Theory of Shellativity

Archive for September, 2010

Death and Afterlife

by on Sep.15, 2010, under Death, Philosophy, Religion, Science

Lately I’ve been thinking, well I’m always thinking , but lately it’s about something different. I think about God all the time. Not the same way others do I think about God as a life form. What God is where he came from etc. I believe in God as far as I’m concerned it’s a given. The only thing that makes logical sense. I believe Science and religion can coexist together, but I think I like the more ignorant view of God better. The magical mystical God. I don’t believe God is a magician I just believe he is a superior being that has the ability to control more things than we can comprehend.

Does this then call souls and heaven in to question. This is where I am stuck. I am having a crisis of faith/belief. I have always believed in a soul and that when we die the energy is released and goes somewhere. I find it difficult to imagine that what makes us us is just chemical and electrical signals in our brain. If only we could test with a brain transplant, but maybe the soul lives in the brain. Weird how it always feels like it’s in our chest.

I always believed we stay intact our thoughts our presence but lately I’ve been wondering if when we die disorganized energy is released that just expands through the universe like a dying star as it were. I like the on clouds watching over our loved ones theory much better.

This past year I have had 2 deaths in the family. This has probably been the cause of my obsessively thinking about death and life after death. They were 2 very different deaths.

The first was my Nan (my mothers mother). She had a blood clot and became disorientated and lost consciousness at home was taken to the hospital where we were told by the Dr. That she was going to die. Everyone was there and was able to hold her hand and say goodbye. I was there when she took her last breaths. It was weirdly beautiful like birth in reverse. She seemed at peace and ready. When she was gone her body did seem nothing more than an empty shell. A few years ago I had to put my very old dog to sleep it is strange how similar her death was to my Nan’s.

I didn’t feel anything after no presence or anything. I guess I thought maybe you’d feel something notice something but she was just gone. I assumed maybe as this was my Nan that her presence wouldn’t be bothering with me or I wasn’t tapped in enough to her. I realize how stupid this sounds.

The second death was my father this was nothing like my Nan’s death. There was nothing beautiful about it. It was ugly and harsh. He died at home of a heart attack. Alone with his 2 and 3 year old daughters. It is believed he died around 8 pm as he had the children’s dinner out of the oven but hadn’t dished it up. I assume he went to the living room to get them and collapsed. He wasn’t found until the next day at 11am. The children were alone with him all night. It was the worst possible way he could have died. The way he wouldn’t have wanted to die. I didn’t see the body and I am glad of this. I had the opportunity but I kept remembering how my Nan looked how empty she looked and didn’t want to see him like that. We had a strange family dynamic my dad was very private we didn’t see each other often, but I loved him immensely as I know he loved me.

Again I felt nothing. Shouldn’t I be able to feel him a presence or something. Though saying that right after he died both my youngest brother and I were scared to be alone. Like we felt he would pop up and speak to us from beyond. I guess you don’t need to feel a presence or that you are being watched over. Maybe it is just something people con themselves into feeling and it is just psychosomatic.

This is how I got to here constantly wondering if we are just electricity and chemicals or a soul that leaves our body and travels elsewhere.

You see I am firm in my belief in God but as previously stated I have a somewhat cohesive view of religion and science. Therefore, it begs the question of what is a soul. It’s all I can think about.

 

© 2011 Shellativity
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